(Written 10/28/2024)
I swear, every fucking time I open a social media platform, artists hound me like im a fucking fat sasauge ready to be chewed on and drained of my money for art. Like, is it the fursona? Is that what it is? Do people just assume I have thousands of dollars lying around ready to be put into making art of big beautiful fat werewolves at a given notice? Beacause, well, I dont. I wish I did though!
Like, today, when I went on Tumblr just to check if my posts about volunteering to draw beta art for my card game got any interactions (*cough* self promo *cough* we still need volunteers I mean what), I got a DM from someone, being like "hey how ya doing". I thought we were gonna have a nice conversation, but NOPE. Immediatlly it began to transition into "I consider myself a furry artist. Would you like to see some of my previous art", after mentioning my PFP. Im so fucking tired of it, dude
Like, if I want to commission art from you, I will go to you. The only way you can get me to do that, is by building a reputation and getting your art out there. I think like, in a buisness setting, going up to the client and asking if they want a commission is not a bad idea! However!!! I am not a buisness!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!! Leave me alone!!!!!
Anyway yea I just wanted to rant about this. Not something like super harrowing so I figured i'd put it here lol. Probably a good sign that Hard 2 Read hasnt gotten any entries lately, huh? Or maybe its just cuz im too demotivated to write them. Idk lol
(Written 10/20/2024)
(WARNING: this blog posts discusses SEX! Not in a descriptive manner however. Viewer Discretion is advised).
Sometimes I feel like I draw the line between what should go in Regular Blog Posts or Hard to Read posts. Anyway-
I often struggle with my sexuality. As in like, not knowing what I am. For the longest time, I thought I was just bisexual. Then I went over to thinking that I was Bi-Ace. Now im on the fact that im Bisexual Aromantic, but questioning the fact of if im just Gay. What makes it even worse is like, I often get this stupid thought in my brain that like. "Oh your not gonna ever be attracted to anyone" beacause I dont have any super strong feelings of anyone.
Like yea. I have fictional crushes. But even then im like not super duper attracted to many of them either. Like yea, im like "Oh damn I wanna fuck / get fucked by them" but none of them are stronger than the other, you know? Its all kinda equal? That goes for my real-life crushes as well. There arent many of them but to be fair I dont get out much, haha.
God this sexuality thing is hard why cant I just kiss everyone and be over it /j
(Written 10/10/2024)
I surf the web sometimes in my free time, and when I do, I come to the realization almost everytime.. Zombieville is weird! Sure, there are some websites that break the mold from the template of many colored boxes and pictures most personal websites have. I'd like to say now I have no issues with websites like this! Its a design trope I think makes for great websites, and some people have really gotten creative with styling them (heres an example of a site that styled it in a really cool way!), but it was never how I wanted to style my site.
When making my website, I thought having my little town would be a great way to do that. But now, the more and more I iterate upon it (going from the table I had previously to the town we have now) the more and more I realize that its not the norm. Do I care about that? Maybe...? I want people to come around and visit, but at the same time, this is kind of like my personal space on the web. Where I can leave my mark. Its a double edged sword. Part of me wants people to come around, to hang out in Zombieville, but the other part of me thinks that its a bad idea to think that way, lest I conform to something I dont like.
To put it better, part of me thinks I should own it. Yea, im weird, and my websites a lil weird, but who cares? Weird people make cool shit, like The Binding of Issac or Darkwood, I shouldnt care what people think if its weird! But then the other part of me is like "well. If its weird, no one will visit it. It will just be you here, watching over the things you prepare for people to maybe come and see. Whats the point?"
Luckily, I lean more towards the first side. I dont think my websites too out of the norm that its completely unusable and strange. But I cant say the other part of me dosent linger about, you know?
(Written 9/23/2024)
So. I got to thinking the other day about how ive been thinking. Just in general, I mean. And like. Theres 3 guys up in my brain. That sounds really weird, but I swear to you I can explain.
So, whenever im thinking about things by myself, and not doing something such as writing (like this blog post) or.. really just anything, I kinda talk to myself. Sometimes out loud, sometimes within my own mind, and I almost talk to two other versions of myself. So theres me, right? Im the guy, sometimes the other two call me "the mind" or "the body" but I just go with the fact im me, obviously.
Then theres Emotion-Al. Sometimes I call him Al. Sometimes I call him just Emotional, but hes the emotion guy. He keeps all my emotions in check, from happiness to anger (which I have alot of. haha oopsies) and is the one who is generally responsible for more rash desicions. Ones I make in anger or out of kindness which is misplaced.
Logic is another story. Logic is the guy who.. well, duh, handles logic. He's very problem solvy and dosent show like much of any emotion unless he's attempting to explain how fucking stupid it might be for me to do something. Hes there to keep Emotion-Al in check and sometimes to keep me in check as well. He's kinda the voice of reason out of all 3 of us.
Anyhow. I kinda thought about that for awhile and thought. Am I crazy? Is that not normal? I still have no idea of an answer to that question, but hey. We'll get there one day.
(Written 9/17/2024)
God I fucking hate tests so much. At least in an academic sense, I cant understand why its so fucking important we take the fuck off long ass quiz that makes you re-tread entire course concepts. Ok well. I can see why, but im not sure why all of them INSIST on being memory tests. Like, why isnt every test open-note? If i've gone and taken notes from my math notes, the internet, and other sources on how to perform certain math problems, why is it so mandated I memorize them? What is the difference?
Like OH NO! Zombie had to look up how to graph a sine or cosine wave 3 days before a dead line occured for whatever fucking job uses sine and cosine! Were all doomed! Its so over! Like come on. Be for real. OH NO! Zombie had to look up how to perform integration to program a niche game feature! Whatever will we do!!!!! How is any of this that serious
I dont see why I shouldnt be allowed to take my notes into my tests is all im saying. I mean, you gave me this in order to learn off it. What the hell is reffering back to it gonna hurt? "But you wont commit it to memory" thats why I have the NOTES Janet. Beacause I havent been able to yet, were kinda busy with the MATH TESTS Janet.
Anyway. I have a math test today. Could you tell?
(Written 9/4/2024)
Ive been thinking about this alot, if I could be honest. I mainly mean this in like a way of... I dunno, I wish people would stay interested in Indie titles alot longer than for 2 seconds, you know?
I came across something earlier today, a TCG called Elestrals. I was really excited about it! It seemed like alot of fun, and it had just recently made a kickstarter that had gained over 1.4 million dollars! I got really excited, because I hadnt heard of a TCG actually gaining that kind of popularity before!
But as I kept looking.. I had noticed its popularity just kinda. Dwindle? I mean, their twitter account has over 23 thousand followers, but only get around 20 likes a tweet. Their Discord server is packed, but quieter than I imagined.
Ive seen this with lots of things. People just give these massive boosts of popularity to a thing, only for it to dwindle like, immediatlly. I just wish we stuck around with things for longer, you know? Or maybe ive got my perception all wrong, and maybe thats normal? Maybe thats how dedicated communities form around a game or peice of media.
I dunno. Its just what ive seen.
(Written 8/21/2024)
Ive been making alot of progress with game dev related stuff over the past few days! Just recently this morning, I managed to get omni-directional dashing working.. as well as many other mechanics I think are interesting!! Im gonna blabber about them :3
So firstly, I made a protagonist that has a gun he can shoot. Ive made it so that inside of the player code, its told to instanitiate (basically create an instance of) a bullet scene on a point. That point rotates to look at the mouse, which also rotates a "gun arm" sprite which shows where the player is shooting. Then, when the player clicks, it shoots bullets! Ive even implemented a fire rate system that can change depending on what weapon the player has selected, and even a system for swapping weapons!
Ok, the dash is my favorite part though! Essentially, what my code does is it checks to see which buttons are pressed when the dash key is hit (for example, it would get a North East axis if both the right and up keys were hit) and then launches the player in that direction! This system is similar to Celeste, where you can dash in 8 directions in order to traverse each screen.... its really cool and I may have stolen it from a redditor who graciously gave it to me, but man im glad I was able to get it working! Originally I was just manually adding the correct amount of velocity to the players X and Y factor in order to allow for the player to be launched in the seperate direction, which was SUPER clunky... but hey, thats what you get for being a first timer.. well ok. More like a 5th timer who didnt really do much the other 4 times, but STILL!
The final thing I need to get working before I do much else is a walljump... which is going to be a BITCH... I can already tell you that. I have no idea where to even start, but it will likely be some youtube video from someone graciously offering such a service. Then its off to the design doc mines to get the rest of the game thought out and made! That is, if I can find the time between college and household chores.
God i love game dev!!!!!!!
(Written 8/17/2024)
You know, after starting an art musuem, you'd think you'd know what you want to curate within it, right? I thought so. When I started the Art Musuem part of the New Zombieville.. I kind of thought I would know what I want.
I mean, I want to catalouge geniuene art peices. Peices of art that could be explored for years to come. But I dont know if I have an eye for those sorts of things. Part of me wants to judge what I should curate based off the quality of the peice, but any old artist could up and create something beautiful without meaning. So then I decided to look for peices with deep symbolism within. But I couldnt find peices like that, either.
I dont know whos fault it is I cant find anything further. Is it my fault for not being able to settle on criteria of what I feel like curating? Am I being too picky or too narrow? Is it the fault of the fact that the internet has so many peices of art to enjoy and spectate, that preserving them in a musuem is a fruitless effort? Am I wrong for starting the musuem in the first place?
I dunno. I hope im not wrong for it! I really want to make the musuem work, but it may be something I put on hold until I get some other parts of Zombieville fleshed out.
(Written 8/6/2024 at 7:59PM EST)
So as many of you may know, I am very big into game design + game development. I know you might see that and think this is a post that belongs in the Hard 2 Read section, seeing as the industry is kind of a shit show, but trust me when I say this is not about that. I mean in fairness indies are doin fuckin fine which is exactly what I am at this point. Anyway im GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF!
I sat down and like thought about things. About how I design games. I came to the realization that: "Oh my god. Im a fucking idiot when it comes to designing games". I get very caught up in the mechanical design aspect of games. How certain systems would work on a surface level, such as "you have this equipment that does this, you can equip it and gain its effects" but I completely forwent the actual technical design part of game development. Seeing as im doing the coding, thats kind of an important thing to go over!
For example, I had a mini-game I made for my self-enforced Game Jam, Bullet Dodge. I was trying to figure out how to code the cannons for that game. I needed them to fire randomly at certain intervals, but I had no idea how I wanted it to work. I think I sat there trying to code it for like 20 minutes, just thinking "how in the world am I going to make that work?" until after awhile, I was able to only begin coding them. While I eventually made it work, it still took forever in order to figure out.
You know what a great fix for that problem is? Flowcharts. I wrote up the player code in flowcharts today, and oh my GOD. I havent even started coding yet but already, I know what I need my code to do, and how I can do it. Visualizing it this way is going to be so helpful in the long run, and I think even with my lack of experience actually coding, I can use my resources avaliable to actually put my ideas into action. There is DEFINETELY some stuff i'll need to figure out, but we'll get there!
I feel really hopeful about this. I think, finally, im going to create a game. A real game. One that works, one that people will want to play. Who knew all I needed to do was make damn flowcharts?
(Written 7/31/2024 at 7:03 PM EST)
You know, it is such a refreshing feeling to have this website redesigned like this. It took me awhile to finally realize my website needed one... I mean, good lord, theres alot to list.
I mean firstly, the fact I basically went and ripped it straight out of Melonlands website. The website like, homepage wise anyway. I mean, were talking like right clicking to see page source in order to yoink the entire code! Then I wrote a guide on how to use the code I stole! Granted, I did credit Melon mutiple times all across my website, including in that guide + on my home page.. but that didnt stop me from feeling like a fraud for taking it.
Then there was whole thing where I tried to replicate Undertales writing style on pages.. especially with the font? It made things really hard to read, you know? I kept trying to insert little characters, and while I think it was fine for the "My House" page (which I bought back for this website), it honestly dragged the website down in quality immensely. I think I wanted to emulate alot of things that werent... me. While the website was good, I felt like it was more created in a headspace where I wanted to draw viewer attention, rather than carve out my own space in the World Wide Web.
It felt wrong. Just everything about how I made that site. But thats all over now! Ive got a new webpage, Zombieville.. well, has been reduced ot a small compound, but its still really good! I really enjoy the new website I created, one that feels... well, like I made it for me! I hope to fill it up to the same caliber as the orignal Zombieville. Well, until then, I hope you all enjoy the journey :)